Hunter S. Thompson

Media Bias: An Unbiased Guide

All news media is biased, including me.  And that’s the way it ought to be.  It’s the manner and degree of bias in the modern mass media that’s so very unfortunate.

According to recent polling by Gallup (itself possibly subject to statistical bias), only about a third of Americans trust the news to tell them the truth.  It’s that lack of confidence, (more…)

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Dead On Arrival: Trump’s Budget

Once again the headlines are blaring alarms.  This time, the stories are (allegedly) full of news about Donald Trump’s proposed budget.

To begin with, I’d like to mention in passing that his intent to slash services is not news.  We knew it already; it’s merely him keeping his campaign promises. Which, admittedly, is unusual for politicians in general, but Mr. Trump has kept a fair number so far, so this (more…)

Hateful Team Rivalries

OK, huddle up, and take a knee.

I want to talk about team rivalries, and brace yourselves, team:  This will not be pretty.

Many people have been taught to hate the Other Team at all costs.  They’ve been shown – wrongly – that making excuses for themselves, and denying the good plays made by the opposite team, that this is a good thing.  I’m here to tell you, it is not; it is divisive and self-destructive, and it harms our people more than any really bad call ever could. (more…)

Scoring A Touchdown

(Editor’s Note:  This is another in our ongoing series of guest columns on current events.  Rudyard “Duke” Milhaus of the Sports Desk is well-known for his passionate commitment to objective journalism.  Unfortunately, due to his exhausting schedule of hands-on research into America’s prisons and substance abuse problems, this is the only picture of him we can find.)

Have you ever tried to bargain with someone?  To dicker?  You know, tried to get the best deal on a car, or something else that’s flexible in price?  How you do it is, you start out with an extreme offer, then slowly work your way to a price that’s more in the middle ground, somewhere between what they want to get and what you want to pay. (more…)

Sports Desk: There Is No “Fake News”

Editor’s Note:  This is another in our new series of guest columns on current events.  Once again, here’s the infamous Rudyard “Duke” Milhaus, of the Sports Desk .

Huddle up, gather round, people!

There’s a new playbook being used.  It’s not the prettiest set of plays ever to hit the field, but the Opposition started it and now everyone’s picking up on it, so we’re gonna have to learn it too.  It’s called the “Fake News Play”.
(more…)

To Russia With Love, From The Sports Desk

Editor’s Note:  This is another in our new series of guest columns on current events.  Rudyard “Duke” Milhaus of the Sports Desk is well-known for his passionate commitment to objective journalism.  That we’re publishing his lovely and perfectly neutral article has nothing whatsoever to do with that large-bore handgun he keeps fiddling with.

What’s all this obsession we suddenly have with Russia?  Why is the media being so critical of them?  This is a country that not too many years ago I remember watching as we cheered their peaceful revolution, watched them embrace democracy and capitalism — and now we’re supposed to hate them?!  The new administration apparently wants to get along with them — what’s the matter with that? (more…)

I’m Pretty Sure He’s Human

For me, the trouble with writing about politics these days is that it’s too easy to say bad things.

I don’t mean that it’s easy to insult the President and his people.  That’s always easy.  It’s always been easy, truth be told, which is exactly why the media always does it:  They meet their deadlines and win Pulitzers and can still make Happy Hour, and (more…)

Bribery: A-O.K.

(Editor’s Note:  The entire editorial staff is far too wasted from our staff V-Day party right now to do any actual editing.  I’m the last man standing and I don’t get paid overtime, so to hell with it.  I’m just going to put this out as-is, with the notes from the Legal Department tipped in.  They should know what they’re doing; otherwise we’re paying them too damn much.  -JW)

Happy Valentine’s Day, Big Oil!  You can now pay bribes again!

I want to start off right now by saying that I’m not against bribes at all.  In fact, I’m so pro-bribe I’ll make it easy for you:  Just send me your money and I’ll accept it with a clean conscience.  I don’t care if you’re Big Oil, Big Tobacco, Big Shampoo, or the Illinois Nazis Peace Through World Conquest Foundation —  I’ll take your money, cash your check, and smile the whole time.

Corruption is a time-honored tradition, and it’s as American as apple pie. (more…)

Requiem For An Unbiased Press

“Objective journalism is one of the main reasons American politics has been allowed to be so corrupt for so long. You can’t be objective about Nixon.”
– Hunter S. Thompson, interview, Atlantic Monthly 09/97

“So much for Objective Journalism. Don’t bother to look for it here — not under any byline of mine; or anyone else I can think of. With the possible exception of things like box scores, race results, and stock market tabulations, there is no such thing as Objective Journalism. The phrase itself is a pompous contradiction in terms.”
(from “On The Campaign Trail”)

Once again, the Press has become the story. (more…)