Sports Desk: Hundreds Of Billions Of Dollars

(Editor’s Note:  The views of the Sports Desk do not necessarily reflect the opinions of The Not Fake News or its staff.  Please don’t sue us.)


It pains me greatly to have to explain this, but you leave me no choice:  We are NOT giving Saudi Arabia guns.  We’re SELLING them guns.  For a LOT of money.

Sometimes, you people scare me.  I mean, forget about fake news.  The real problem is, the viewers are so frigging stupid.

No, not you.  See, the difference is, you read.  I can tell because you’re here.  Reading.  But most of the Great American Voting Public is apparently too dumb to read, or maybe they just don’t give a crap.  Either way, they’re plain ignorant, and a great argument in favor of oligarchy.

I know this because I read what they write on Facebook and on Twitter, and it makes my brain hurt.  Sometimes it makes my eyes bleed.

OK, so here’s what happened:  Trump and company flew to Saudi Arabia to negotiate a bunch of things like policy changes and a huge arms sale.  (YUUUGE!)  The King gave him a fifty-pound goldish medal, and various potentates assembled for a traditional sword dance and to open the new Global Center For Combating Extremist Ideology.  (No, the glowy orb thing is not a palantír.  Thanks for playing.)

I’m going to skip right over all the insults and memes, because people love to hate on Trump in creative ways, and who am I to stop their fun?  We all have our thing.  Hell, some people juggle geese.

No, what frosts me is that everyone’s calling the arms deal a bad thing.  Since it’s just like all the other arms deals that every president since Ike made with the Saudis (except more billions), I couldn’t tell you why; maybe it’s just that Trump touched it and so it’s now hopelessly soiled.  Clinton sold them top-end weapons; Obama sold them top-end weapons; every Bush ever minted sold them top-end weapons.  It’s kinda what we do; we’re the world’s largest gun dealer.

There’s some reasonable objections, sure.  You don’t want our country to sell tanks to other countries, fine.  You should protest.  You should also protest Bush, Shrub, Clinton, that other Clinton, and Obama.  I can get behind that; I think we should end war for good and make it so we don’t need tanks and guns and missile defense systems.  But let’s end war before we throw away our missile defense, not the other way around.

Also, Saudi Arabia has a harsh criminal code that some would call barbaric, and in their culture women are in some ways little more than property.  It’s a mindset common to about a third of the world, though, and if we want a powerful military ally within a thousand miles of there, Saudi Arabia is the natural choice.  Besides, if we want to punish them for not being like us, not taking their money is the wrong way to go.  Not buying their oil would make more sense.

Because what we’re doing is this:  We’re taking their money.  A lot of money.  A metric shit-ton of money, to be precise.  In exchange, Lockheed-Martin is selling them a very expensive missile defense system — excellent news for a whole bunch of union factory workers.

But some of the stupid things people are saying about it!  “They arm ISIS; why should we give them guns so they can give them to terrorists?”  Seriously, that’s an objection I just read, written by an apparently intelligent human being.  Like the Saudis are going to ship their missile defense to the Syrian rebels, or maybe those nice shiny new tanks.  Or, if they did, that someone would drive those tanks into Times Square and start shooting.  “Oh no!  It’s terrorists in an army tank!  They must have driven it from Saudi Arabia!”  Frigging morons.

Listen up:  Most Muslims are not terrorists.  I know this because the world has 1.6 billion Muslims, and if they were all terrorists, the rest of us would be dead.

Also, people in other countries do things we think are wrong.  That’s why they live in other countries and we live here.  What, you want to invade someone else and force them to believe the same way you do?  Because that’s what our country keeps doing, and it’s why the rest of the world hates us.

(Not saying we should never fight evil.  But let’s save it for slavery and genocide and people that attack us, otherwise the wars will go on forever.)

Finally, Occupy Democrats and other meme factories aren’t news.  They’re funny, they’re Shareable — and they’re propaganda, just like Goebbels used to make.  Don’t be a Goebbels.

You want to hate on Trump?  Fine, do that; I don’t like him either.  But stop being so frigging stupid about it!  Hate on him for being a giant arrogant pain in the ass.  Hate on him for getting rich off real estate swindles and fake college scams and all sorts of other crap.  Hate on him for something real.

And please, for the love of Einstein, stop being so damn stupid, will you?


(The Sports Desk sometimes writes about sports-related topics, or so we’re told.  We’re not really sure when this happens, though.  Perhaps when they’re done swearing?)

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